DRESSING UP

Can somebody please tell me why the humans are so fascinated with dressing up? I just don’t get it. I mean, it’s okay that they wear clothes. They don’t have any fur. They need them for protection, you know, to keep them from freezing in the Winter or frying in the hot sun in the Summertime, and getting all banged up when they fall down. Some of the things they wear are kinda stupid, but I don’t say anything.

“That’s good, because nobody asks you.”-Editor/Mom

Yeah, well, nobody ever asks us if we want to wear stupid stuff either, but that never stops you guys from putting it on us anyway. We have fur coats already. We don’t need jackets. We sure as heck don’t need hats, and what’s with the glasses and mask? 

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was only when we’re outside playing in the cold, but sometimes it’s for no reason whatsoever. It’s like you guys get bored and “Hey, lets dress up the dogs!” I think you like embarrassing us.

“Hold on a minute there. You wanted to wear the scarf and glasses, remember? You thought it would make you look like a Writer. And the underwear on your head picture? You deserved to be embarrassed after eating the crotch out of them.”-Editor/Mom

Okay, well what about the other two?

“Those were definitely just for fun.”-Editor/Mom

Yeah, fun for you. How do think we feel? Let’s talk about Holidays. I just don’t understand why we have to put on silly outfits all the time. 

“Because it’s fun. It makes some days more special than others. Wouldn’t you get bored if every day was the same?”-Editor/Mom

I don’t know. I’m thinking there must be some better ways to celebrate. Maybe we can just focus on what the Holidays are about. Like for Thanksgiving we eat. For Christmas we get presents. We give kisses to our Sweethearts on Valentine’s Day. And we dance to fun music on Fat Tuesday. Aren’t those good enough ways to celebrate? Why do we have to wear stupid stuff?
And Halloween? Who made up this Holiday? Seriously, the only point of Halloween that I’ve been able to figure out is that everybody has to dress up like someone else. Sometimes the costumes are really creepy, and sometimes they’re funny, but one thing I can tell you is that they’re always uncomfortable. 

I remember being a Fighter Pilot for my first Halloween. I’m pretty sure real fighter pilots don’t wear their clothes that tight.

“Yeah, well you grew to be a little bit bigger than we thought you’d be for that outfit.”-Editor/Mom

Then there was the Panda bear and Fireman costumes. They weren’t very comfortable either, although Jazzy really seemed to like her Spiderweb Butterfly outfit.

And the worst was when you sent me to the Salon and Auntie Lisa put all this yucky yellow paint on me. It took forever, then put tape all over me, and then you put on all this really strange gear and expected me to want to hang around with you. 

“Awww, come on. You were “Radioactive Dave”. That was a great costume. I thought we were having fun.”-Editor/Mom

Maybe it was fun for you. You got to take off all of your scary alien gear afterwards. I can’t believe you put tape on my fur. And the yellow paint? That took like four months to wear off. 
I just don’t understand why. 

“Well, I think the cooler your costume is, the more goodies you get when you go Trick-or-Treating.”-Editor/Mom

Trick-or-Treating?  Goodies? I’ve never been Trick-or-Treating. I like getting goodies. Can me & Waya go Trick-or-Treating? Can we? We’ll wear the silly Doctor and Nurse costumes you got us. Do you think they’re good enough to get extra goodies? What else do we have to do?

“You have to go from door to door, ring their doorbells and say “Trick-or-Treat! Then the people put goodies in your bag. That’s the Treat part. And if they don’t give you anything, you get to play a joke on them. That’s the Trick part. It’s a lot of fun. I think you and Waya would like it.”-Editor/Mom

So, let me get this straight. We dress up and go from house to house begging for food. If they like our costumes they give us stuff, and if they don’t we get to poop on their lawns. It does sound like fun. Maybe this Halloween thing isn’t so bad after all.

“Right, but I don’t suggest pooping on anybody’s lawn. That could get you into trouble.”-Editor/Mom

How will they know it’s me? I’ll be wearing a mask, remember.

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